"Stop! Ow!" Roberts snivels made me want to hurt him even more. All the boys attacking him, infuriated him.
I pictured a pig, fat and juicy. Although Jacks actions seemed a little harsh, he was doing them, so I could too. Right? Everything was so confusing. I didn't want to like an outsider, so I pushed my way through the crowd and began to chant with them.
"Kill the pig! Cut his throat! Kill the pig! Bash him in!"
I am so glad that I'm not Robert, I thought to myself as the fight died down. I want to kill a real pig, not Robert, or someone dressed up in a pig suit. I want meat. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. The need to kill a pig or something else overcame me. Whether it be the beast or a pig, I need to do it.
We continued up the mountain. Passing by the ocean and flowers. Dodging coverts in the soft earth. After a long walk we stumbled across a cliff that we missed before. A discussion about Piggy started. All the boys choose to go back to the beach with him. Except for Jack and Ralph. I stood there blunderingly, waiting to be seen.
The walk up the mountain seemed infinite. We didn't talk the whole way up the mountain. But we were all thinking about the same thing. The beast. Would it kill us? Is it even really there? I secretly wished that I went with the other boys to the beach, which was the sagely idea.
I knew Jack would be uncompromising, and make sure we killed the beast. I heard a noise above me, Ralph who was sitting next to me heard it also. It was Jack, "I saw a thing on top," he said frightened. "It bulged."
Ralph shook his head, "That's impossible, you must have imagined it."
At first I agreed with Ralph, but then I saw it myself. I thought it might be a giant frog or toad. Ralph convinced us to go and look.
We staggered up the dark mountain. Although it was night it was still warm. I shivered anyways. We got down on our hands and knees as we got closer, so not to wake him. Ashes from the fire blew in our faces making it even harder to see.
The moon light hit what looked to be a great ape. It was sleeping with his head between his knees. A loud wind rushed through the forest leaves and the giant creature awoke. It stared at us with its beady eyes.
I ran. Through the smoky ashes, down the mountain and on to the reassuring beach.
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3 comments:
The moon light hit what looked to be a great ape. It was sleeping with his head between his knees. A loud wind rushed through the forest leaves and the giant creature awoke. It stared at us with its beady eyes.
Quinn-
This part of your story explained what Roger saw the beast as in a short but detailed way. This was really clear to me and I felt like I was seeing the beast too.
-Sianni
Quinn-
The need to kill a pig or something else overcame me. Whether it be the beast or a pig, I need to do it.
This part didn't really make sense to me. I think that if you reworded it than it would make more sense and sound better.
-Sianni
I really liked how you used a lot of adjectives. instead of just saying a mountain you said a dark mountain, and insteand if saying an ape you said a great ape. It really helped me too understand what these things looked like.
One thing i think would make it better would be if you checked yo puncuation. i FoUnD eRrOrS right away. another thing you could do to make it better is to read it aloud to you self and re-word the parts that sound weird. There are a few parts that i think should be re-written/re-worded.
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