Smoke, smoke," I yelled in a shrill tone.
Piggy looked up at me, thinking of how irrelavent my sudden outburst was. I looked back out at the horrizon, hoping the ship I saw wasn't only a mirrage. I took off, running down the beach. The vibrant opalescent colors of the island began to gyrate around me.
The sharp branches scrached me as I sprinted towards the signal fire. As I got closer I relized that there was no smoke or fire. My heart skipped a beat. I stared at the warped wood incredulously. In the background I heard a malevolent chant, coming from Jack and his choir.
"Kill the pig. Cut her throat. Spill her blood."
The song echoed in my ear as I climbed down the mountian.I could see a crowd of boys, hudeling around a large stick with something hanging from it. A pig? At first I was excited for meat, but then I remembered that they let the fire out and my face redened once again. The hunters danced around the pig, proud of their acomplishment. Every time they chented their hatfull song I got angrier.
Finally after a long hike down the mountian, my feet sunk into the warm, almost reasuring sand.
Jack started the conversation, "Ralph, Ralph, we caught a pig! Can you belive it? A real pig!"
All I said was "You let the fire go out," but I implied much more, and Jack knew it.
"It's perposterpous to keep it going."
"There was a ship." I boomed.
My hatred for jack grew and grew as he continued to brag about his pig capture. I could hear Piggy whine something in the background, but I ingnored it. I hated jack's grim look he had on his face the entire time we faught. He seemed asthough he was proud that he let the fire out. He got the attention he wanted, even if it was bad attention. He wouldn't stop talking about the pig and his struggle to catch it. All I wanted to do was sock Jack in the stomach for being so stupid, but he punched Piggy first.
His punch seemed as though it was in slow motion. I wish I did something to stop him. HIs fist squished into Piggy's vulnerable stomach.
"OW. Stop it!" Piggy yelled at Jack.
His whines only motivated Jack to do more. He wacked him on the back of his head. His glasses went flying and crashed into the corner. Piggy went off to look for them, whinpering the whole time. I oculd hear Piggy whimpers as he looked for his glasses that flew off from the impact. I looked at Jack and the pig in even more disgust.
The smell of pork filled my nostrils. It reminded me of being home at diner. I couldn't resist having some, eventhough I hated what Jack had done. Everyone was eating excpet for Piggy. I didn't think that he would have the nerve to ask for some, but he did. His confedence suprised me. He must have fallen for the same amazing smell that I had. The pig was chewy and raw. But tasted wonderful compared to the fruit i had grown used to.
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4 comments:
Quinn,
I enjoyed the way that you included the vocabulary words into your post. It seems as if you use these words on a regular basis!
I also like the way that you used a lot of dialouge in your post.
i really like the way that you write.
-nikki-
Good job this is very articulate!
Bold your vocab words and use spell check, I caught some mistakes on mine that way.
Quinn,
This description (The vibrant opalescent colors of the island began to gyrate around me.) is vivid. Using the verb "gyrate" really captures the speed at which Ralph is sprinting along the beach.
REVISION: Your journal is a bit short. Our writing should be approximately 450-500 words. Add descriptions of:
1) the approaching hunters
2) Piggy (after being punched)
3) Jack (during the scuffle)
4) the feast of the pig
Mr Shaddox-
thanks for advise
Here are my additions(on my blog also)
1. ....climbed down the mountian...I could see a crowd of boys, hudeling around a large stick with something hanging from it. A pig? At first I was excited for meat, but then I remembered that they let the fire out and my face redened once again. The hunters danced around the pig, proud of their acomplishment. Every time they chented their hatfull song I got angrier.
Finally after a long hike down the mountian, my feet sunk into the warm, almost reasuring sand.
2....but he ounched piggy first...His punch seemed as though it was in slow motion. I wish I did something to stop him. HIs fist squished into Piggy's vulnerable stomach.
"OW. Stop it!" Piggy yelled at Jack.
His whines only motivated Jack to do more. He wacked him on the back of his head. His glasses went flying and crashed into the corner. Piggy went off to look for them, whinpering the whole time.
3. ....Piggy whine something in the background but i ignored it... I hated jack's grim look he had on his face the entire time we faught. He seemed asthough he was proud that he let the fire out. He got the attention he wanted, even if it was bad attention.
He wouldn't stop talking about the pig and his struggle to catch it.All i wanted to do....
4. ...in even more disgust... The smell of pork filled my nostrils. It reminded me of being home at diner. I couldn't resist having some, eventhough I hated what Jack had done. Everyone was eating excpet for Piggy. I didn't think that he would have the nerve to ask for some, but he did. His confedence suprised me. He must have fallen for the same amazing smell that I had. The pig was chewy and raw. But tasted wonderful compared to the fruit i had grown used to.
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